May 30th, 2012
06:50 PM ET

Arranged marriage is not forced marriage

Worldwide, every three seconds a girl under the age of 18 is married.

In India, 90% of these marriages are arranged between families.

And with a divorce rate of just above 1% proponents argue arranged marriage is an effective way for young people to find a partner.

But what happens when a proposed marriage goes awry?

CNN's Sumnima Udas looks at the pros and cons of arranged marriage.

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soundoff (318 Responses)
  1. Paul

    Arranged couples produces ugly children. Which explains India.

    May 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm | Reply
    • adonison

      American and European marriages produces morally the ugliest and rotten human beings.

      May 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm | Reply
      • John


        May 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm |
      • psap1

        Propaganda Technique: Generalization.

        June 7, 2012 at 8:44 am |
      • ismail

        i agree with u

        June 8, 2012 at 1:33 am |
      • superrstar

        Your corrupt, wife burning, slave keeping culture is moral?? ROFL

        June 10, 2012 at 3:53 am |
      • Trippen.

        I agree 100% with superstar. How can you point the finger and say that when your culture treat women as slaves and attack disfigure or murder any that dare to resist. I will not go near the other problems with some of the cultures that use arrange marriage.

        June 10, 2012 at 7:22 am |
      • Flappy

        Personally I find bigotry morally ugly. How can you make such a generalized statement about a whole group of people? Have you even met any Americans or Europeans?

        June 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm |
      • Mark Davis


        Guess what, they are FAR superior compared to YOUR culture, where some gold-digging sknk marries you for your bank balance, and then when she gets bored with you, decides to cash out one fine morning and then goes on to sue your pants off in divorce court for child support and alimony and leaves you bankrupt, while she uses all of YOUR money to sleep around with guys that are better looking than you LOL. Yeah, sounds like a heck of culture to me ROFL.

        June 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm |
      • Michelle


        Arranged marriages were practiced all over Asia, Africa, Europe and America. It still exists in the European and American regions but has dwindled down to few families. So before you jump down someone's throat, insulting a culture that might not even be their's check yourself because chances are at some point YOUR culture practiced the same. But judging by your intolerance, ignorance and lack of couth, it wouldn't surprise me if you were raised by sewer rats. No one burns their wife. I'm guessing you're referring to the Hindu practice of Sati (which by the way is burning widows, people just don't burn their wives one day for the hell of it) which was banned in 1829 and several times before that. Also, no one keeps slaves. I don't know where you got that from but no one does it. Please stop and examine what you're saying before you just say it. I'm honestly embarrassed for you.

        July 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm |
      • Joe

        You say no one gets burnt these days in India.. If you had taken the time to watch the video displayed in the article above, you would have heard the young girl state that her step sister was burnt by her family. I thin Superrstar was referring to that and not the Hindu practice you speak of..

        October 24, 2012 at 12:56 pm |
    • Beautiful Indian

      I agree with Paul

      May 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm | Reply
      • max3333444555

        Ive seen some great looking indian women both here and in india.

        May 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm |
      • NS

        arrange marriages have far success rate than non arrange marriages, which is a big proof that arrange marriages are good

        May 31, 2012 at 12:35 am |
      • anthony17

        then you're calling me ugly wahahaha–watch out...i'm against arranged marriage too ok,but it is funny how ppl thinks marragiage arranged will have bad or weird children wahahahahah

        May 31, 2012 at 1:13 am |
      • anthony17

        right on""

        May 31, 2012 at 10:42 am |
      • psap1

        @NS. If true, does that mean a person should not have a choice on who to marry?

        June 7, 2012 at 8:53 am |
      • sakshi

        Great article.... girls are seriously getting into trouble by the society and even by their family members. see even i have this post onarranged marriages of girls

        August 9, 2012 at 3:08 am |
    • Val

      What an immature and ridiculous thing to say...sorry to break it to you Paul...looks like you are the "dumb" one with a response like this? What planet do you live on?

      May 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm | Reply
    • Tom

      That is the stupidest thing i've heard all day.

      May 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm | Reply
    • Rasta

      India produces some of the smartest people in the world. They are also willing to do the same smart IT services for 1/3 of what you guys charge in the west. And I am not India, just for the record. Those who continue to look at others through the prism of race will miss out on the best things this century has to offer.

      May 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm | Reply
      • AT

        Indian produces some of the smartest people in the world, simply because it is what 1/6 of the world's population. So if smartness was equally distributed you would expect 1/6 of smart people to be from India. And since stupid people dont make the spotlight often (unless on some tv show that shows stupid people), you end up seeing a lot of smart Indians.

        Many people have the idea that chinese and indians are smarter than others, I would not conclude anything without valid studies, but know that for every smart Indian you meet there are 10 who cant read back in India, they are paying the debts of their grandfather in the cast society.

        May 31, 2012 at 12:57 am |
      • I'm Burrrning

        The divorce rate is only 1% because getting murdered from an "honor killing" or having acid thrown in your face is a strong deterrent.

        June 15, 2012 at 3:30 am |
      • Trippen

        I think the most telling thing about this debate is the people that are writing in support of arranged marriage are MALE! There are a few comments from females who are in arrange marriages and they are not positive. It seems to be the same debate as in the abolition of slavery in the early 1800's the slave masters said everything was fine the slaves are looked after, they would starve if we didn't keep them as slaves. The relationship between slave a master is good they never complain. Of course the slaves couldn't complain they were property. Any arranged marriage where the cannot refuse is the same.

        June 15, 2012 at 4:11 am |
    • abey

      You have to redefine the word ugly if your commet is to become true. We have more Miss Universe and Miss World than many countries. Take eye wash come to India and look around

      May 30, 2012 at 10:58 pm | Reply
      • a+g

        100 right

        May 31, 2012 at 5:32 am |
    • riohato

      From my experience of watching arranged marriages, their divorce rate is MINIMAL compared to non-arranged marriages.

      May 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm | Reply
      • rh

        Why? I have a friend in a regular old American marriage, she married because she was over 30 and met someone. She doesn' t want to get divorced because of the hassle.

        The chief reason not to get divorced is not loving your partner, it is not wanting to deal with the hassle. In Israel, mothers have very few rights to custody, let alone to get a divorce at all, so there is a big reason to stay married.

        June 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm |
      • Diana

        And the death rate? With the caste system still stongly in effect in India (even though they deny it) they don't get divorces they stone, acid attack, cut off their heads, etc. It is not surprising that there is a low divorce.

        June 13, 2012 at 8:44 am |
      • Flappy

        Perhaps the divorce rate is minimal because if your family has that much control over your personal life then they won't allow you to divorce. That doesn't mean the marriage is healthy or the people are happy. It must means that the unhappiness is being suppressed.

        June 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm |
      • Saurabh

        Diana, you talk as if the Indian population as a whole is still stuck in the 1700s. I won't deny that there are extreme cases where incidents like these do happen, but if and when they happen, the perpetrators are punished harshly by the law. India does have divorce courts and divorce laws. People are just not so flippant about being divorced. In India, divorce is considered the last straw, when all other avenues towards reconciliation. have been tried and found ineffective

        August 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm |
    • Hamid

      I'm totaly agree with arrange marriege becouse this kind of marrige will be duscasing b/w boy and doughter and each family and they will compaire thier tradation voule, and exchange thier idea then will get dicide i will support fully this arrange married
      Hamid -from afghanistan

      Not Bout Love marrige

      Only for a short term after that they will give quip each other and this life is too short if you dont belive check pepole who have got in love with other.
      Hamid –

      May 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm | Reply
      • Sane

        This is why your country is so think that it is more important to reproduce than be happy, believe that children deserve to be given third degree burns to teach them a lesson. I hope your country can evolve into at least a second degree country someday.

        May 31, 2012 at 10:14 pm |
      • Cate happy? Is that what you call a country with 50% divorce rate? Happy?

        June 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm |
      • rh

        I would say less than 1% of people worldwide are in loving marriages, perhaps more in loving cohabitations but not too much.

        A key aspect of whether people are truly in love is whether their expectations and contributions to the marriage match to what is reality. If reality is a wife who wants to bear kids and not work, and the man gets what he wants in bed when he wants it and it is her duty, then a couple with those expectations will be happy.

        June 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm |
      • Flappy

        Hurray for low expectations!

        June 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm |
      • Ahmed

        Hamid: I got a few Questions:
        In Afghanistan can women ask for divorce and be safe?
        In Afghanistan can a divorced woman easily remarry?
        In Afghanistan can a divorced woman have custody or at least visitation rights for her children?
        In Afghanistan can a woman say she doesn't want to marry to the arranged spouse?
        In Afghanistan if a woman wants to postpone marriage for education, will her parents allow it?

        I bet the answer to all my above questions is NO so hence you don't have a moral standing here atleast. If i had voiced this opinion in Afghanistan, some mullah would say i am a apostate and you or some bloke would have shot me.

        June 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm |
    • anthony17

      What is wrong with you?

      May 31, 2012 at 1:05 am | Reply
      • Hadrian

        Personally, I'd love teh idea of "happily ever after," but the legal construct today mreely facilitates predatory behavior in the relationship, and no-fault also puts women at disadvantage ("First Wives Club"-style dumping of the woman who raised your kids because your 28 y.o. secretary doesn't use the wrinkle cream your 55 y.o. wife does). So it cuts both ways. The divorce rate is a direct result of No-Fault.Marriage is for religious people, the wealthy and idiots. Anyone else, particularly men, is asking for an ass-raping in family court.

        August 2, 2012 at 12:52 am |
    • KN

      I have travelled all over and I disagree – India has the most beautiful children in the world. Paul – to call any child ugly shows that you are ugly inside and out.

      May 31, 2012 at 1:23 am | Reply
    • Shubs

      Hey Paul, I'm sure hippos consider elephants ugly and vice versa.
      But somehow I was under the illusion that in the 21st century, humans have got over ethnocentricity. Obviously you're here to prove me wrong.

      May 31, 2012 at 2:32 am | Reply
    • ustupid

      wht u saying? wht a sense less comment ...are u uneducated??? i think so

      May 31, 2012 at 12:43 pm | Reply
    • EDDIE

      r u upset of your parents arranged marriage which result in you?

      May 31, 2012 at 9:16 pm | Reply
    • ReligiousGuy

      So that explains why you and your parents are ugly.

      May 31, 2012 at 10:11 pm | Reply
    • lachman

      No wonder India's economy is much, much better than the U.S. economy, India's youth are damn smarter than U.S. youth.

      June 1, 2012 at 12:58 am | Reply
    • Ash

      What are you talking about Paul! Look at the hot girl in the video frame of this story. She will make beautiful babies even if she married Al Sharpton.

      June 1, 2012 at 4:29 pm | Reply
    • sd023

      wow, what a mature-intelligent response!! do you prefer pale american women?? hahaha. I'm not from India, but they are some of the most gorgeous women in the world!

      June 3, 2012 at 11:07 am | Reply
    • joderita

      and the internet brings out the ugliest in all of us.

      June 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm | Reply
    • joderita

      and the internet brings out the ugliest in all of us!!!

      June 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm | Reply
    • joderito

      And it looks like this internet discussion is producing ugly comments.

      June 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm | Reply
      • joderito

        sorry, my comments were not appearing so i apparently typed in virtually the same comment thrive. apologies!

        June 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm |
    • Sunny

      Don't mix longevity of marriage index with quality of output–that depends on the gene of the parents–arranged or not. India is a mixed bag of race and culture-all religions exit; all races exists (blacks, mongoloid, Aryans/Iranians type, mixed–except maybe the white Vikings Northman). Anyway beauty or not, unless it’s your own kid, why bother? It won't come to your use or rescue. Maybe bragging right? Human being has evolved into sharper mind and features over time...looks at 100 yrs old pictures and now–people looks sharper and is smarter...but has various weird health and mind problems also. So guys cool of.... look at the solution-India’s arranged marriage works because of social and family support and control over the marriage. Its not easy for either side to just walk away from a marriage or even a commitment to marry, society may throw the whole family outside of the community or the neighbourhood or may even send a hit man. That’s how it works historically. Its not easy to walk away from an Indian marriage in india–on the flip side, any trouble in marriage has ample support. Lot of people will work to make the marriage work. People do have a lot of time in this timeless country. I am an American who lived in India for 10+ years in various cities and has seen the beauty up-close. It’s a different and ancient country in our planet earth. Just appreciate the different!!

      June 3, 2012 at 11:45 pm | Reply
    • dr te parthasarathy

      Sir-with due respects we ,Indians disagree. Some of the worlds most beautiful children were born to parents of arranged marriages-like Aiswarya Rai(Bachan),Madhuri Dixit who are also intelligent !

      June 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm | Reply
      • Jay

        Dont bother... Paul is a nut. Not worth trying to defend Indians before a nut like him. He is probably very ugly and is just trying to gain self-respect.

        June 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm |
    • light

      u r right Paul. how can you be so correct? you must be an handsome man, very intelligent man with divorced parents, bad childhood (abused as well) and maybe without job as all jobs went to ugly intelligent people in India where divorce rates are low as people there believe in family values.

      maybe god give you peace in your heart and not hatred.

      June 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm | Reply
    • kavita gunaji

      arranged marriages are sometimes good when the families are good and into a decent living. they produce beautiful children who love and respect their parents. it is the love marriages that when they go bad, their kids fall apart and hurt everyone. when a marriage is arranged, the couple follows tradition and hence produce tradition respecting children who are always beautiful because they live within the norms set by God.

      June 5, 2012 at 9:34 pm | Reply
    • Pat

      Where in pakistan do you live, paul?

      June 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Reply
    • seharazad

      Like Missworld Aishwariya Ray, and miss universe Shusmita Sen Type????????

      June 10, 2012 at 9:09 am | Reply
    • ryan

      The only thing you will ever produce is a racist, unhealthy, violent ,unstisfied, insecured, introvert suicidal child , You guys live by figures ,99% success rate means its working for some reason ,The way fo your life is to njoi make merry have 2-3 divorces ,4-5 children and by the age of 40 be alone and curse other cultures or people who are living with families finally ending up with some 18 year old girl form some asian country coz all the american or western women find you a loser. Thank you i still will go for arranged marriages if given an option as i have control over my life ,ya but love marriages are the best choice for an individual..

      June 11, 2012 at 12:57 am | Reply
      • Trippen.

        I think you have a spelling mistake. I think you don't mean "I have control over my life" I think you mean "I have control over my wife"

        June 11, 2012 at 1:47 am |
    • roger

      Paul is just an unemployed tech person jealous of the indian who are smarter and becoming the bosses.

      June 11, 2012 at 10:22 am | Reply
    • Jason

      @ Paul,

      Nice try, but they are NOWHERE near as ugly (both physically and morally) as you inbred trailer park dwellers. Not to mention how your IQ's are as high as the room temperature in the spring.

      June 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm | Reply
    • Religious Guy

      If arranged marriage produces ugly children, how do you explain your ugly mom and dad and yourself?

      June 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm | Reply
    • Ed

      With the below rationale connected the comments, you would think that all Indian people dance and sing all day about everything. "God bless Hollywood and Bollywood!"

      July 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Reply

      Shut up Paul I'm Indian and I ain't ugly think before u Type

      June 18, 2014 at 12:25 pm | Reply
    • madhu sukul

      @ Paul – not opting for arranged marriage can be your personal view, no one is even interested to make you agree for that, at least inn India we do not want people like you. However, commenting on the fact that they produce ugly children displays your regressive mindset which is probably even uglier than anything else! You must be having a bitter personal experience I guess..

      @ Flappy – If Paul can make such a statement I do not see anything wrong with adonison's comment! Completely makes sense..

      June 28, 2014 at 10:26 am | Reply
  2. Gwendolyn

    Some people are so full of hatred to the injury of the American people.

    May 30, 2012 at 8:25 pm | Reply
    • abey

      That is not true, most of America hate their God who gave them the power. Naturally when you lose power world hates you. Go back to your God and obey him and you will be respected like before.

      May 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm | Reply
  3. John

    @Paul: the children may be ugly, but hey, they wont be dumb like YOU!

    May 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm | Reply
    • Maira Lazalde

      No one is dumb, give Paul a break, you think that he is judging India people well for your information your judging him too so stop saying that your better then him if you too are judging, stop looking at peoples outside, look for their inside. I respect your comment and the feelings you show in it, but why get angry at someone we we should really get angry at ourselves for doing nothing but judging, your a great person I know that, we are all good humans, our job is to look for the good in ourselves.

      January 28, 2016 at 10:42 am | Reply
  4. David

    Arrange marriage have less chance of getting devorce!!!

    May 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm | Reply
    • Tom

      Likely because people don't want to disappoint their parents. I'm pretty sure that's a huge societal/cultural pressure.

      May 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm | Reply
    • Tom

      Could also be that people who agree to an arranged marriage are people who are serious about getting married and they are a self selected group who is less likely to divorce.

      May 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm | Reply
    • AT

      That does not imply causality, statistics 101. Even things that show a strong statistical realationship could be due to chance. One model predicts the return on the stock market based on which team wins the superbowl, it explains the past returns very well, you want to invest based on it?

      Arranged marriges are also common in the Islamic culture (not that the religon asks for it). They also have much lower devorce rates than the west. These devorce rates dont imply happier people, it is simply how society work. I bet in India like in the muslim world a devorced lady has almost no chance of getting remarried, and is looked down upon. Also less of those women work, and the alternative would be going back to live with their parents who are probably old and can not even support themselves, so they stick to the husband cause he earns the bread. I can give a 100 more reasons.

      May 31, 2012 at 1:03 am | Reply
      • opinionatedc

        You are absoutley correct divoced women are looked down upon. Will someone express to the remaining world we are human too! and desrves to find Mr.Right or have Mr.Right find us.

        June 4, 2012 at 3:02 pm |
      • kdc

        if divorced women are looked down upon in the islamic world and have little chance of remarrying, then it has everything to do with the culture, not the religion. Muhammad mostly married divorcees. another way that following culture vs. religion will mess up a person every time. and no, i am not middle eastern. and yes, i know many divorced muslim women who have remarried. funny how personal experience can trumph statistics ...

        June 14, 2012 at 4:31 am |
    • rh

      That might be for the same reason that so many atheists masquerade as religious people matching their upbringing.

      I have known many Jewish and Christian atheists, that confide in me because I mention my atheism, but they MUST put up a front for their family because they would be disowned or lose status.

      June 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm | Reply
  5. vid

    Hey Paul,
    Better visit India once in ur lifetime.
    Btw,Whats ur defination of 'Ugly' ..??? mind and you.???
    You meant..just good looking people..??/ There plenty with brain India.
    Go...out there. See the world...outside of the pothole you have been living in.

    May 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm | Reply
  6. Tigresse

    I think the young girl at the end of the report summed it up very well when she said..." The family only cares about their honor and reputation, they don't care about the daughter at all." The first couple are a positive example of the benefits of arranged marriage but when it's bad, it's horrid, as this girl explains. When honor comes before valuing your children, then to me, this is morally reprehensible and I don't care what culture you come from.

    May 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm | Reply
    • TVRS

      It is so in every marriage. The empirical data in India shows that the divorce in marriage is the minimum in the world. When two egos marry it is bound to be a difficult marriage, when two persons get married it has better chance to succeed. Marriage is about raising a family, it is not about egos.

      May 31, 2012 at 12:48 am | Reply
  7. cheikh

    If it wasn't for arranged marriages,most of these guys wouldn't of gotten married,because the girls don't really want to marry them,it's just pressure from the parents that make the do it.

    May 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm | Reply
  8. syutnati

    I agree with Paul.

    May 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm | Reply
  9. Freddy

    The divorce rate is 1% because there's a lot of couples that couldn't afford to get divorce.....or too ashamed because of the stigma of divorce. My friend's sister-in-law couldn"t get divorce because of her husband asked for money to divorce her. This is from a man who left his wife and child because he thinks her family didn't give enough dowry when they married.

    The proponents of the arrange marriage just highlight what's apparent above the surface....on paper. How many of those 99% still live together, raising their family?

    Arranged marriage in this fashion [i.e. forced] will never go away as long as parents see daughters as a burden that they need to get rid off.

    May 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm | Reply
    • MD

      I agree completely... very pratical view of the statistics being highlighted here.

      May 30, 2012 at 11:53 pm | Reply
    • MD

      However, the percent that are married but do not live together may be about another 1 %.

      May 30, 2012 at 11:55 pm | Reply
    • ensense

      one other thing going for this marriage is since it has the approval of the family the friction is lesser. also family support in raising kids is always there so the marriages work.

      May 31, 2012 at 11:48 am | Reply
  10. Mary

    I have one of those ugly girls trying to force my son into a marriage with her so she can regain custody of her son from the State. That vermin has already gotten him arrested several times, cost him a career that she didn't like, caused major loss to me and my husband and he's the third boyfriend she's had arrested! Don't tell me India produces 'beautiful' women. This lowlife advertises on the internet of her 'stripping prowess' and has continued to try to force her way into our family. BTW, he's a veteran with a disability pension. That's what she's after plus citizenship! Keep your vermin in India!

    May 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm | Reply
    • World Citizen

      So all indian women are like that..if that is ur conclusion then all american mother-in-laws are fro hell...god u people are embarrassing

      May 31, 2012 at 4:41 am | Reply
    • Vermin

      Or what? You'll troll some more?

      Btw: You didnt bother to keep your vermin outside of Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Vietnam etc etc did you? Or did you think "Eurasians" fell off the trees....


      May 31, 2012 at 5:29 am | Reply
  11. KK

    its a life without freedom....thought divorce rate may be 1% but there is hardly any life satisfaction, its binded with unwanted societal customs...
    Ask their heart.. are you really happy? will rarely find couple happy, because of some constraints they were forced to tie a knot and because they cannot go ahead on their own they are struggling to live.

    May 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm | Reply
    • MD

      Well said, if Indian women get equal power int true sense in the society then I am pretty sure divorce rates are going to sky rocket. Its just that number of working and financially independent women are very less in India. Does a woman get equal financial rights in a marriage? Yes they do bu maybe about 60%. There is no concept of a nupital. Now again in a job market like this chances are this figure for working women is not going to change very soon.

      May 31, 2012 at 12:02 am | Reply
    • Sriram

      What exactly do you mean by 'happy'? Freedom from what?

      There is no freedom without responsibility. There is no happiness without sacrifice. Merely running around doing your own thing every time, isn't happiness. We become more like animals if we continue doing that.

      May 31, 2012 at 1:49 am | Reply
      • Jaguar

        Am I imagining thnigs, or does every single book on marriage written by women neglect to state that men are not marrying because of the preposterously unfair legal structure leveled against men?Venker & Schlafly's "The Flipside of Feminism." Carolyn Graglia's "Domestic Tranquility." Countless others.Left wing or right wing, no woman wants to acknowledge what every MRA web site has on its banner: presumptive paternity and no-fault divorce are deal-breakers.Why is this so hard for women to grasp? Or is it just that no woman wants to set into motion the demise of their financial golden parachute when she decides to jump out of the plane?I have always had a hard time swallowing the "Gov't-sponsored, feminist-driven financial redistribution scheme" concept that many men claim marriage really is, but the more I have been looking into the matter, the more marriage just looks like a way to keep her floating at his expense.Sorry for the bleak cynicism, but the statistics on marriage kinda bear me out.

        July 3, 2012 at 12:28 am |
  12. KK

    makes no sense conducting interview of elites....go for middle and lower middle class how they end up in marriage..
    and one more thing... casteism is major factor contributing arrange marriage

    May 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm | Reply
  13. Art

    A marriage according to the Indian custom is a marriage between families, not just the individuals. If individuals come from different strata of the society, unless they are that much in love, it's unlikely to succeed.

    May 31, 2012 at 12:16 am | Reply
  14. Lost

    This is a cultural issue. If it weren't a part of their cultural fabric, no one would uphold arranged marriages at such a rate of "90%". Besides, I've spoken to many people who are in arranged marriages who are afraid to offend family or elders who brought them together. It's not only out of respect for the group as opposed to the individual need. It's a way of life and inseparable from daily living. Also, some are afraid of being ostracized and shunned for disrupting the planned decision of a community to protect its perception of well-being and stability.

    May 31, 2012 at 1:16 am | Reply
  15. Art

    What's the big friggin' deal about "love" marriages anyway? The divorce rates are evidence that there was no "love" to begin with. All this despite actually testing and sampling the bride/groom before marriage. "Love" marriages are ridiculously overrated. Half the marriages end in divorce because it wasn't real love obviously. Arranged marriages are "arranged" by families after factoring in socio economic status, physical appearance and a whole host of other factors. A proper "arranged" marriage takes into account the tastes and interests of the bride and groom too. It's like eharmony, except, the parents/relatives/or someone close to you, actually will set you up for a "date" to meet, and if you like each other, you marry. End of story.

    May 31, 2012 at 1:20 am | Reply
    • Modern Indian

      Thank you for clarifying..the comparison to e-Harmony is exactly right and more Americans should read this comment for a better understanding of Indian marriages, specifically among the well-educated, middle-class population in India.

      June 1, 2012 at 2:21 pm | Reply
  16. dy

    Arranged marriage is usually the strongest form of marriage even though it might not be the best. Although the patners might not totally love each other at first but as time goes on they will because the people that arranged the marriage are usually holder and might be more experienced in knowing the type of partners to bring together. The divorce rate is also low because each partner will not want to let the people that arrange the marriage down

    May 31, 2012 at 1:41 am | Reply
  17. Shubs

    Agree with Art completely.
    I'm not surprised that arranged marriage is considered to be 'forced' marriage in the West (not only the United States). It's a cultural misconception, and stories of families hounding and even murdering children who fall out of line (so-called honor killings) do not help rectify this perception. Of course, the fact that these are criminal acts by deranged people and not indicative of the mentality of a 1 Billion population, are conveniently ignored. But it does help perpetuate the comfortable elephant-and-snakecharmer image of India in their eyes...:-)
    Frankly, those who want to understand, will make an effort to educate themselves. The rest wouldn't know a different culture even if it hit them in the face. They are best ignored, 'cos they don't matter.

    May 31, 2012 at 2:03 am | Reply
  18. winmine

    paul! watch indian movie 'namaste london', the movie may be any use to you.

    May 31, 2012 at 2:05 am | Reply
  19. Archiesays

    As for Paul, dead friend, heaven forbid, if you have a daughter or sister who has undue pressures of looking "beautiful" enough, propping herself every night to "socialize", "sacrifice" and adjust in search of a "partner" who would marry her. Dont wait till she is 39. Register her into some of the Indian Arranged Marriage portals. Who knows, some family might indeed like her for who she is and own her.. I have no doubt she will start loving the "arrangement".

    May 31, 2012 at 2:07 am | Reply
  20. bijin

    there are many reason why divorce rate in India is just 1% [1] because of love marriage have less percentage in India , if u get divorce you cant find a nice partner that easy and because of Indian's practicing arranged marriage parents wont their kid get married with a person who already marriage one's [2] because of dowry system still active in India girls family have to pay big amount of money for marriage of their kid's so even life with her husband is miserable she have to adjust in order to not make her parents worry about her anymore , and because of the boy receive dowry from girl family he also learn to adjust .. [3] because of they learn to adjust , after a while they understand each other and making a happy family so most of Indian family are living so happy they love each other so much .. in my side of view i don't like arranged marriage much , i prefer love marriage for me .. things are changing in India , number of love marriage increasing day by day , am sure all human in this world because of based on one culture , one language , one ideology of gov etc....

    May 31, 2012 at 2:15 am | Reply
  21. bijin

    i forget to say one more thing – because of we are practicing arranged marriage for so long time we get used to see this stuff with very positive emotion . and i can simply imagine how ugly a western person can imagine this system of marriage from your side of view. if am western or any another region who not follow arranged marriage i also cant agree 'especially looking at this system with the eye of racism

    May 31, 2012 at 2:25 am | Reply
    • Shubs

      It's called ethnocentrism, my friend.
      Defined as "judging another culture solely by the values and standards of one's own culture".

      Education is the cure. Not holding my breath for that one.

      May 31, 2012 at 2:37 am | Reply
  22. bijin

    shubs i never agree with arrange marriage system . the only thing what i did is just point out some negative and positives thing arrive from that system – and of course education is best cure for everything

    May 31, 2012 at 2:49 am | Reply
  23. Random Person.

    @Lost. I completely agree with you. Although divorce rates in India are one of the lowest in the world, it doesn't indicate that people don't want to choose the path. Many are frightened of the consequence as divorcees are looked down upon by conservative Indians, mainly elders. They refuse to speak out in fear of bringing indignity to their families. My own mother got divorced in the late 1980's when divorce was highly uncommon and more culturally unacceptable than it is today. However, she remarried (love marriage) and happily so for the past 20 or so years. This only proves that love or arranged marriages work differently for everyone and the success of both would be unpredictable if such cultural bindings were non-existent.

    May 31, 2012 at 3:26 am | Reply
  24. Random Person.

    And Paul, whoever you are, I cannot help but laugh at your comment 🙂 Do get your eyes checked and visit India sometime. I bet you'd appreciate the sight. I've seen some jaw-dropping gorgeous Indians in my short lifetime. Besides, you don't have to look model-esque to be considered beautiful. You must have a kind heart, which sir, you don't have.

    May 31, 2012 at 3:34 am | Reply
  25. Daoud abakar mahamat

    I agree with paul.

    May 31, 2012 at 4:32 am | Reply
  26. ati

    Its important to understand the philosophy and logic behind arranged marriages.
    1. In an Indian arranged marriage the marriage is not just for the benefit of the two individuals. Its for two individuals to come together to meet their personal goals of happiness and togetherness and a need to start a family AND their social goals. Both the families benefit from this...In India the elderly are looked after by the children and are not sent to a home. So each partner in the marriage helps to look after their parents together in their old age. The couple are also expected to contribute to the community also together through this marriage. In many cases both partners contribute to the growth of the family business and trade.

    One major difference is both partners walk into this marriage with minimal expectations unlike in a love marriage so it probably works better.

    May 31, 2012 at 5:38 am | Reply
  27. Darcey

    I'm an American expat in India and have seen a lot of arranged marriages *and* love matches. The love matches are the ones with divorces. Some of my very modern quite Westernized friends are asking their parents to do arranged marriages, because they simply don't either have the time to look for a spouse with their education/career plans... or they trust their parent's judgment. They're not for everyone, I'll admit – but they also work, and India is NOT the only place where they happen.

    May 31, 2012 at 10:05 am | Reply
  28. Katie

    OMG, the maturity level here can be compared to a juvenile hyena... Besides, statistically, 'beautiful' people make up about 5% of the worlds population. Everyone else is considered 'plain', 'average' or 'ugly'. Doesn't make anyone better than anyone else so get over it. Apparently looks don't matter that much, the population grows ever year–of course there is a lot of alcohol, bags and drugs out there, not to mention light switches.

    May 31, 2012 at 11:16 am | Reply
  29. Jason Bourne

    Hey if you can't find love traditionally and your shy and reserved person its actually a great idea to have arranged marriage, at least then you have chance of spreading your seed.

    May 31, 2012 at 2:37 pm | Reply
  30. ChicagoRich

    It may work for them, but I would not want to live there. . . .Divorce rates in the U.S. were very low back at the time that they were culturally unacceptable. Arranged marriages are forced marriages if those to be married do not agree with the arrangement but are pressured into marrying anyway. They are not forced marriages otherwise.

    June 1, 2012 at 8:07 am | Reply
    • kameshsatva

      Well said!

      June 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm | Reply
  31. hemusbull

    Ugly or nice looking people as well smart or not so, are not categories resulting of the type of marriage!
    I'm tottally against any arranged or (don't mind) forcced marriage! But most of the world doesn't live in modern 21st century societies...Sad.

    June 1, 2012 at 3:10 pm | Reply
    • Rudolph vs

      An arranged marriage is not necessarily a forced marriage.

      June 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm | Reply
  32. Hahahahahahhaha

    Looks like the chick in the picture is beaming with happiness!!!!!!!! Not!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha

    June 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm | Reply
  33. bigot 1666

    Ban arrange marrriages. And ban indian kids from the spelling bee, while you're at it – make 'em play sports instead

    June 1, 2012 at 10:51 pm | Reply
    • Matt

      @ bigot 1666,
      And ban trailer park bigots like you from posting garbage too.

      June 14, 2012 at 12:40 am | Reply
  34. Rugolph vs

    Hmm... If I had to ask my parents before marry my ex, I would have saved a lot of money as well a lot of bother as they for sure would have recognized her for what she was.

    June 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Reply
  35. Samantha

    Im not saying arranged marriages are all bad, but one of the reasons they have a 1% divorce rate is because the forces that were responsible for creating the union won't allow it to be broken. Arranged marriages are many times done for the sake of the family, not the individual. Now, America is in no position to throw stones. Relationships are not valued here, plain and simple. But I'm not suggesting arranged marriages will solve the problem.

    June 3, 2012 at 1:18 am | Reply
    • rh

      Many people who think they picked their spouse based on love find out within a few years that they were wrong, and many stay married because of the children. I do not know ANY married couples who still have relations regularly, and have any love for each other than respect for being the parent of their children.

      Having children within the first five years of marriage should be banned.

      June 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm | Reply
      • Hahahahahaaha

        RH. You must be one ugly sob! BTW I'm doing your wife. Hahahahahahahahaha

        June 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm |
  36. NP

    Guys why we talking about beauty, kids, smartness etc? we talking about "arranged marriage". just FYI in arranged marriage kids are introduced to each other by both families. they can go out on a date/talk to each other before getting engaged not married. parents never force theirs kids for arranged marriage. as someone mentioned above in one of the comment indians are all over the world. you might have an indian who works with you, a friend, a doctor...why don't you talk to them before you post an comment. try to get some knowledge. you will learn a lot from indian culture & will benefit you if can understand the value of relationship. also i agree with the comment about relationship value. kids don't care for their own parents so forget caring about relationship with husband or wife. also thank god indians are not into sports. if they get into sports they will be all over.indians are already into IT,banking,politics,doctors,lawyers,hospitality industry & the list goes on............if you can think. also please don't think indians took jobs/businesses away from people. indians were given the job position in big firms & businesses were sold to them at the price that was asked by the seller. God Bless you all & have peace 🙂

    June 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm | Reply
    • Trippen.

      Without a doubt some arrange marriages are as you say, but you are dreaming if you think that they are all like that. Many are forced and involve coercion. The girl has no say whatsoever and is often under aged, there are few divorces for the same reason the woman has no say, they do as they are told. The cultures that support arrange marriages also tolerate "Honour" killings although where is the honour in killing your own daughter is beyond me and is morally corrupt,

      June 8, 2012 at 9:00 am | Reply
  37. rh

    The point about arranged marriages being unnatural in any way ignores the fact that MANY American and European marriages are for all the wrong reasons, and the ticking of the woman's biological clock ends up being the reason many marry.

    I will believe that the average arranged marriage is worse than the average American or European marriage when I see friends who are in happy marriages. I know very few people who actually married for love, and I know many people who after kids and 10 years of marriage don't want to bother to get divorced because of the hassle.

    Everyone wants their nose in everyone else's business. You have your own silly religion and customs and let others have their own silly religion and customs.

    June 3, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Reply
  38. Josie

    Even out of arranged marriages you risk the chance of an abusive situation. I've been married twice and the first was hell. I had known this person for several years, even dated a couple of years and we got married. He changed once it happened and I was basically his property and could only do what he wanted. My second marriage, we just grew apart...and to this day he is a very good friend of mine. We learned we were better as friends. I doubt I could or would want my parents to choose my partner...why, my mom would be fine, but the type of person my dad thinks I should be with and what I want are two totally different things. Both of these interviews shows the extremes of arranged marriages and how good or bad they can be.

    June 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm | Reply
  39. ST

    Arranged marriages are dangerous.

    I was married in an arranged marriage just under 2 years ago, his mother, his sisters, his father, all kept talking about how wonderful I was and how happy I would be after the marriage.

    My in-laws then suddenly decided they wanted alot of cash, they stopped speaking to me in the house, stopped taking me on family trips, and then started fighting with me, eventually kicking me out of the house and threatening 'divorce'. With the 1% divorce rate they knew there is a terrible stigma around divorce in India. And my family would become nervous about my 'ghar totjaega' or 'marriage home breaking' and pay up.

    I was pregnant at the time, but sadly since it was an arranged marriage I had no support from my husband. We had no real relationship or the understanding that a couple has by getting to know each other. I could not rely on him. He just said – 'do whatever my mother says, we'll decide if and when you can come back'. When we did not pay and told extended family about their behaviour, he sent divorce papers because of this 'insult' to his family.

    Basically because it was an arranged marriage, the husbands feel no responsibility. If their family says leave her or alienate her, they do. They've got no emotional commitment or investment. It is a dangerous horrible situation that continues to this day and age. You might see many old happy indian couples – but most likely the wife has had such a long life-time of misery and emotional abuse, she has resigned herself to her fate.

    I was very lucky to have the full support of my family, so that I did not have to put up with their back-mailing, money-grabbing ways, or a loveless mean husband. And though it is very tough financially raising my child alone, I feel I am one of the lucky ones.

    June 4, 2012 at 9:20 am | Reply
    • pedantic

      Do you have any guarantees your experience could not have happened in a non-arranged marriage? You say "since it was an arranged marriage I had no support from my husband". What makes you think you would automatically have had more support from your husband if your marriage had not been an arranged one?

      June 5, 2012 at 4:25 am | Reply
      • Rajesh

        Zorro,Why is this so hard for women to grasp? Bcause women don't understand cause and ecfeft very well. They are no better than 7-year-old boys in this regard.Here is a fun experiment : go ask various women about a simple cause and ecfeft scenario, like what happens if a particular government policy is enacted. Most women will have no ability to forsee consequences that men could easily predict.That is why no women are in fields that involve complex predictions, like hedge fund managers, etc.

        August 2, 2012 at 1:56 am |
    • AZ

      Don't generalize your view because of your personal experience. I had seen love marriages that eventually broke up.. I would say if the marriage involves all the family consent from both sides, it has the chances of success. Secondly husband and wife should know each other rights .

      June 10, 2012 at 11:17 am | Reply
  40. Bill

    The reason arranged marriages do not fail has nothing to do with the success of the marriage. It has to do with the same cultural pressures that push them into the arrangement to begin with. The woman in some cases have an opportunity to say no, in others they do not.

    June 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Reply
  41. opinionatedc

    Excellent viewpoint, However it is when the arranged partners don't like each other and the families adore each other and insist that the partners accept and marriy each other so that the families can be happy and the couple sad..

    June 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm | Reply
  42. pedantic

    All marriages are arranged by some people and in very few cases it is only the people getting married that have an impact on the arrangement.

    June 5, 2012 at 3:57 am | Reply
  43. Trippen

    Continually arranging marriages between 1st cousins is a really bad idea. This shows in the large amount of genetic problems in India and Pakistan.

    June 5, 2012 at 11:18 am | Reply
    • Hahahahahaaha

      And also in the Southern USA (mainly Red states). Hahahahahahahahahahaha

      June 15, 2012 at 2:33 pm | Reply
  44. intheus

    I work with many people from India and Pakistan. In fact one of my coworkers was explaining to me how the process worked as he was getting ready to go through with it. I asked him, "what if you don't like her". He replied well we will just have to make it work. In the United States and in most western countries we get married, for the most part, because we want to marry those people. The same is true for divorce, we get divorced because we want to. In the West we have the freedom to choose what we want to do. That is why we don't really get "arranged marriages", it isn't that one is better than the other, just we get married for different reasons. Someone made the comment about India being smarter and is doing all the IT jobs. It isn't that they are any smarter, in many cases working with outsourced IT people is much more difficult because they are less skilled than US workers. (note: there are many very intelligent people that do do IT Iindia). The reason that we have some many people in India working in IT, is that they make 1/5 of their US/Western counterparts and corporations want to keep their cost down. I has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

    June 5, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Reply
  45. maddbearfan

    Typical male dominated culture..the man is everything...young women are forced to accept this because that is how they are brainwashed when they are raised. I'm sure given a choice they would rather not.

    June 8, 2012 at 8:18 am | Reply
  46. Omar

    Arranged marriages have a low divorce rate because the occur in social settings in which divorce is almost impossible. A divorced woman in these societies has a very bad prospect for future life. The pressure is immense to remain in a marriage no matter how bad or how abusive the husband is.

    June 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm | Reply
  47. Shar

    I am in an arranged marriage. I did not feel "forced;" it was simply an expectation with an understanding that my family has my best interests at heart. Marriage was initially difficult like many early relationships but my spouse is truly my soul mate. Like many cultural aspects,arranged marriage has pros and cons and takes into consideration what is best for not just an individual but a community. There are abuses and there are successes (like me) but each situation has to be evaluated on its own merits.

    June 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm | Reply
  48. Jeff

    I've traveled the world extensively and lived in many countries and I can truthfully say...the last people I want to spend the rest of my life around are Indian people. Sorry, but my experience is what it is.

    June 10, 2012 at 10:28 am | Reply
    • Roger

      @ Jeff,
      Hey, aren't you the guy that sent out an application to adopt a highway in northern Georgia LOL? Oh, and by the way the kkk called asking for you – they wanted to know why you missed their last meeting. And you dry cleaner called too – he said your white robes and pointy white hat area ready to be picked up.

      June 14, 2012 at 12:37 am | Reply
      • Roger

        *your dry cleaner

        June 14, 2012 at 12:37 am |
      • fadil

        Hello are using WordPress for your site platform? I'm new to the blog world but I'm triyng to get started and set up my own. Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

        July 1, 2012 at 8:58 am |
  49. AZ

    If the arranged marriages happened with girl's and boy's consent, are much more successful than the love marriages where the parents and the elders are out of picture.

    June 10, 2012 at 11:11 am | Reply
    • Ahmed

      Let me tell you what Indian Parents look at the prospective partner.
      1. Caste
      2. Wealth
      3. Family connections
      4. Family status
      5. Spouse Income
      6. Skin Color
      7. Educational Qualifications
      8. Height, Weight, Toes, Foot Soles (coz flat feet are considered bad luck)
      9. Matching each other Astro-horoscopes.
      10. Dowry, and a laundry list of things other than love

      BTW to other non-Indian readers the above was not a sarcastic reply but actually a real literal list of things on which compatibility is matched.

      June 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm | Reply
  50. Rajnish Raina

    In western culture people are given more freedom to choose their partner. In India that freedom is curbed to an extent that has an advantage of long term relationship and hence is economical further parents feel control over their children throughout their life and so they need not fare old age. If I introduce a bit of logic and science then please don't feel bored. The whole system of Indian society is based on cast and creed system and to maintain that social hierarchy religiously and culturally love marriages are discouraged in fact the whole system of astrology has been developed to do that. Astrology as we know is based on the science of probability. So on a random the birth order of two distinct people(same or different cast) may not meet and there is a fear among the people that one of the partner may die if they do not follow the norms of astrology. This fare is so high that love marriages rarely happen. It is true for Indians living in USA or any ware else.

    June 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm | Reply
  51. Dr.Watch

    I would marry for love rather than have an arranged marriage. My mom and dad married because they fell in love with each other.

    June 10, 2012 at 10:33 pm | Reply
  52. roger

    how are american dating services different? arranged by computer?

    June 11, 2012 at 10:24 am | Reply
    • Hahahahahaaha

      But you don't have to marry the person moron. Hahahahahahahahahaha

      June 15, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Reply
  53. CzMex89

    Not being able to have a say in the matter, makes the whole situation forced,weather society approves of it or not.Not having a divorce does not always mean a happy marriage. In my opinion, people should be more concerned about their family's happiness and well being, rather concerned about what strangers say or think. Ignoring ones happiness in order to satisfy people's thoughts is completely ignorant.

    June 11, 2012 at 10:30 am | Reply
  54. Rutajit

    Reading the comments here only confirms that there is something horribly wrong with the world. Why does everything reported have to be viewed through the eyes of nationalistic or racist pride. Just for the record, most urban Indians don't get into "arranged marriages" the way it is viewed in the west. Arranged marriages in urban India is simply a term used for marriages where the man and woman got to know each other explicity for the purposes of getting married. Online Indian matrimony sites are no different from American singles sites, in its ultimate purpose. Every time there is a discussion on India, some red-neck American idiot has to make a comment about how uncivilized India and Indians are and a moron Indian will respond with how great India is and how stupid Americans are. Being uncivilized or stupid is not endemic. Every culture, every race, every nation in the world has its fair shair of it. The only thing in abundance in this world is ignorance. The comments in this page are proof of that.

    June 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm | Reply
    • Trippen.

      Ha! the I don't like what you say it's racist defence! Firstly the comments are about arranged marriages not about India,
      India is just one country that has the practice. What you say is that in urban India arranged marriages are declining, what about the rural areas what about Pakistan? In the UK it has been a particular problem of some arranged marriages being forced, girls forced to go back to Pakistan often under aged to marry some uneducated man from a rural area, so much so that the government is bringing laws to deal with the issue. Personally I don't mind an arranged marriage if it iis basically match making and the woman and man has the final say. I object to the forced marriages of girls that are sometimes under aged, sometimes the forced aspect is social pressure to comply with their culture. This shows in the honour killing of girls that do not comply. I am not saying that every family would do such an awful thing but it does happen and the girls do know it happens. This is sure to be on their minds when a marriage is arranged.

      June 12, 2012 at 2:15 am | Reply
  55. SouthAsian

    I am an Indian girl. I faced very many disappointments dating, and due to my own media-influenced romantic expectations, my relationships failed. I was 27 and independent, but insecure. All my friends, who were dumber and worse looking were getting married and having great lives. I caved. I said OK to an arranged marriage. OH dear god. What I wouldn't give to get out of it now. Its terrible! Please hear me, its always best to find your own guy and marry for love. Arranged marriages are artificial and always a recipe for disaster. The reason why India's divorce rate is so low is because of the hell women have to go through following a divorce. Further, married women hardly get jobs in India. They're refused jobs. Women would rather commit suicide than go through a divorce in India. And then, there are always children, and if you're a mother, you're bound by that duty as well. So you just LIVE WITH IT.

    June 12, 2012 at 11:26 am | Reply
    • Dump The Loser

      Dump the loser.

      June 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm | Reply
    • Ahmed

      I am sorry to hear about it. Even I am a Indian.
      Atleast i had the means to leave the country after my divorce to live a better life.
      I would recommend that you try to take up some job and skills, after getting enough experience seek a foreign opportunity and leave India.
      This is the best way forward for you

      June 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm | Reply
  56. H-Argo

    The difference is not cultural it is economic. This can be compared globally; any country in the world has these stark differences. Educated, rich, or politically powerful women and men have options and will often seek the advice of people close to them to make a good match. In poor rural areas you are typically not going to find well-made matches even in countries where marriage is completely in the hands of young people with no expectation pressures.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:10 am | Reply
  57. Adam

    The statement that said arrange marriages work better than non arange marriages is truly idiotic. First of all if a woman wants a divorce in an arrange marriage she bocomes not only an outcast in society but also in her own familly, and her only choice is to run away and change her name, because if she stays around her own familly will dispose of her.
    Let me tell you no one wants to be in an arrange marriage unless you have some sick gain to control another person. Remember woman outside of the western hemishere have little if any rights.

    June 15, 2012 at 1:44 pm | Reply
  58. Yes it is

    Ummmmm. Yes it is.

    June 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm | Reply
  59. Dr Fun

    Arranged marriages don't just happen in India. I was expecting to marry a Chinese woman from Gansu, Tianshui and she went home to discuss it with her parents. Her father being a Hui (Muslim) refused his daughter's desire to marry me a westerner and put her into an arranged marriage. She honored her parents wish, but hates the man and having to remain in western China. She refuses to have a child through this sham marriage and naturally aborts it by drinking marigold tea or taking the RU 486 pill.

    June 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm | Reply
    • Ahmed

      Sorry to hear about it. I wish she had the freedom to marry you.

      June 18, 2012 at 4:07 pm | Reply
  60. MannyHM

    For rich and educated partners, arranged marriage is an option. Both families are happy in their participation. They know their rights and they know that they can get married without their parents' participation.
    For poorer and less educated families, it's a combination of coercive psychology, trading of partners, and trade-offs. The only escape for a young girl is to rebel and ran away. Or if the girl decided to stay, can only hope that love will come later and she'll be treated better

    June 17, 2012 at 5:19 am | Reply
  61. Alfie

    Wow, lots of you here are very malicious and full of hatred. You need to cool off, we probably all work with variety of nationalities daily. Tolerance, respect and understanding would be morally acceptable. India is not the only place in the world with arranged marriages, and India is certainly not the only place in the world with beautiful people.

    June 17, 2012 at 10:36 am | Reply
  62. ahsan

    1 argument in favor of arranged marriage, atleast i know FOR SURE who my father is!

    June 18, 2012 at 12:11 am | Reply
  63. EinZuschauer

    Arranged marriage can be forced marriage and is a violation of the UN's Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

    June 18, 2012 at 5:53 am | Reply
    • Ahmed

      100% of the time it is forced marriage.
      Force is applied either through:
      1. the concept of moral obligation
      2. Direct force, etc.

      June 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm | Reply
  64. kathryn

    If women don't have any saw who they marry then how would they ever have any power to get a divorce? Of course the divorce rate is low. Women are property. It's a good thing so many baby girls are being terminated and killed in India. Eventually the gender imbalance will make Indians rethink their views of women. When men have no one to marry and no way to produce heirs and grandchildren- this stone age barbaric system of arranged marriages and dowery will be finished. Women will be a commodity not a burden.

    June 18, 2012 at 11:26 am | Reply
  65. asasasas

    usually the woman has low IQ

    June 18, 2012 at 3:10 pm | Reply
    • Trippen.

      I don't believe that for one minute, that is what slave masters said about slaves, they were wrong too

      June 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm | Reply
    • Ahmed

      To measure IQ you need to have IQ as well.
      Your statement indicates the level of your IQ.

      June 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm | Reply
  66. Ahmed

    The article fails to mention that some of the reasons why arranged marriage occur are because:
    1. The groom's family gets a handsome dowry and hence the groom's family seeks out primarily wealthy family.
    2. As the article pointed out, the families seek out spouses only based on caste, financial, familial connections and status similarity not on individual compatibility or for love.

    Marriages should occur only if both partners love and find each other compatible to live with.

    I had a arranged marriage which ended in disaster for both of us...

    June 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm | Reply
  67. Ahmed

    In India I was forced into a arranged marriage with my relative, ended in divorce withing 6 months.
    After divorce i was ostracized, threatened and almost assaulted.
    I left India and got married to my american wife who i met online first and now I am a happily married man in the 5th year of our relationship with 3 years being married with 2 kids. And our life couldn't have gotten better.
    However my family has totally abandoned me, and my children have never met their grand parents. It is their loss not ours. And i have my American in laws to be much better than my parents and they say "I am the son they wish they had"

    BTW i know some indians here would come and start flaming me, as if i care, to those flamers: "I got a better life now and in a better place"

    June 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm | Reply
    • Lupe


      June 19, 2012 at 9:15 am | Reply
      • Ahmed

        Thanks and i agree with your comments.
        Well said.

        June 19, 2012 at 9:28 am |
  68. Lupe

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    June 19, 2012 at 9:13 am | Reply
    • sara

      Reading all these comments makes me realize that we do live in the fish bowl and most of us are ethnocentric.
      I come from the country where arranged marriage is common. In fact my siblings did arrange marriage.
      In our country, our relatives/parents try to find a suitable guy/girl in terms of education, looks, compatibilty. And have them talk, if they like on their first meet and greet, they go out on second date, third etc and look in to possibly marrying eachother.
      I grew up back home, not once I saw the forced arrange marriage. My parents who had arranged marriage have been married for 35 years and my dad respects and loves my mom.
      As in any arranged or love marriage, there is always going to be abusive/loving marriage.

      June 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Reply
  69. Michael

    Although women have many rights at the upper levels of Indian culture, women at the lower end of the scale are still treated as be owned by their husband. These women are often killed once the husband decides he needs another dowery. Arranged marriage IS forced marriage and these poor women suffer because this cultural tradition is allowed to continue.
    Low divorce rates are not an indication that arranged marriages work, only that women would rather suffer or even be killed to uphold tradtional values rather than bring dishonor to their families.

    This backward / third world tradtion should be abolished.

    June 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm | Reply
  70. Indian woman here!!!

    I'm an Indian woman living in America and I've been back to my home land several times, most recent being this past month. I will diagree that everyone is just getting arranged marriages anymore. In the bigger larger cities in India a lot of India is becoming westernized to a point it is becoming more westernized than Indians in America. I found that most girls I met when I was in the northeast of the USA who came straight from India were educated, beautiful, and most of all cha ching.......they had boyfriends they chose on their own!!! Even in the olden days not all marriages were arranged. It really depends on your family. I have people of my parents generation who have gotten love marriages like my dad's cousin who married out of religion or my dad's sister who also married someone not from the state she's from and then there are arranged marriages like my parents own marriage. Even in arranged marriages many times girls are given the right to choose and say no to an offer. depends on the family. Not all girls are under 18 or 18 who are getting arranged marriages either. also divorce rate used to be under 1% but I don't know if that is true anymore. I hear of many divorcees in India. my aunt who married for loved, married someone whose former wife divorced him. My family friends know people who have been divorced. My cousin and her cousin on her mom's side both divorced.

    As per the country, well the country is changing. becoming more and more developed in the largest cities, people taking on ideas of the US more and more, more and more westerners moving there for work due to outsourcing and more and more western fast food chains and what not coming in the country due to globalization.

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    Another significant misconception is the high divorce rate in the U.S., in fact the 50% statistic is very deceiving. A very wise sociology professor shared with us (and this is corroborated by numerous epidemiological studies – search the web), that the divorce rate in the US has been steadily declining since the 80s and the overall divorce rate is now closer to 30%. Even more interesting is that for college educated American women who marry after the age of 25 and have established an independent source of income, the divorce rate is around 15 percent!

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    First of all Indian society is still a very conservative society, and truth be told it's likely that divorce is not common all because families DO NOT allow no matter how bad the marriage, but slowly it's changing. Just b/c there seems to be no divorce rate DOES NOT mean the marriages are full of happiness and rainbows and sunshine. I'm of Indian of descent and lived through it, so Indians would know better about their country than others. I'm not going toward the arranged marriage route particularly b/c there's the factor you have to marry and have kids at a certain age..before 30 and the parents rush their children into marriage, which has consequences to it. So yea, the concept of marriage is a mutual thing doesn't pertain to any race, religion it's mostly b/w the mutual understanding and commitment of the couple. Sadly, it's all over the world where marriages clash.

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    West is jealous of Indian family values and lowest divorce rates. People with wisdom would also say that a society with good family bonding and community bonding (we call it Jati which is flexible but the british looters called it Caste after classifying people under a rigid system) can sustain their economy for a long time. This is the reason why Indian civilization was the largest economy and richest civilization between 1 AD to 1700 AD with a GDP of 25 to 30% until the time of British invasion in the 18th century according to Angus Maddison's 20 yrs research on world economy for the past 2000 yrs. He was funded by OECD countries. His book ' world economy and millennial perspective and historical statistic says it all.

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  86. Anthony Callahan

    People should marry for love, no other reason. People who are denied their spiritual right to love the one MEANT for them in marriage are people who are forced to live a rotten, empty, oppressive life and existence. As far as I am concerned arranged marriages are a delusion of marriage and are simply slavery at its roots. I am a man, and if I had to marry a woman that was not the love of my life it would cloud everyday with darkness, especially if I found the woman I DID want to marry, but I was in a ridiculous arranged marriage.

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      Love in arranged marriages over the long haul is twice as strong according to a Harvard psychologist's research. Google Dr. Robert Epstein's study regarding arranged marriage.

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  87. Victor Gomes

    Love in arranged marriages over the long haul is twice as strong according to a Harvard psychologist's research. Google Dr. Robert Epstein's study regarding arranged marriage.

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  88. Mark My Rubio

    Arranged marriages, NOT forced marriages, is known to result in marriages that can stand the test fo time better than marriages based on love. I am not saying this, it's just research data from experts.

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  89. Jayita Ray

    In India brides get murdered if the bride's family is unable to pay the dowry. Also some women get thrown acid not by their inlaws or husbands but they gets acird thrown at them by their dejected lovers when they break up with them (when a couple break up). But dowry system is more prevalent in South India...mostly I haven't seen any incident in Eastern India. India is a vast country with so many cultures. Honor killings happens in Indian remote villages (not ever in urban India) and this not a norm. Actually you have to live in India to know is a very complex society. My nephew is getting married and his bride was selected by my sister and my brother in law. Both the bride and groom love and work in the same city and share same values (both are career minded and ambitious) and they liked each other very much. Today most (not all) arranged marriages are there but the FINAL DECISION IS ON THE BRIDE AND GROOM......FAMILIES DO NOT TAKE THE FINAL DECISION. But there are still arranged marriages and it will take time to change the system.

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      There are lots of people in love marriages who are unhappy but still stay married. The ones who get divorced are not happy mostly. The financial problems, loneliness after the divorce. The 2nd and 3rd marriages have even higher likelihood of getting divorced so, one divorce means statistically higher likelihood of becoming unhappy. A divorce causes extensive damage to the society and children. Children from broken families are higher likely to do drugs, do poorly in school, are high likely to get divorced themselves. Sometimes it may be better to stay in a marriage that is not ideal rather than just quickly getting divorce and only think about our own individual happiness. We should think about the cost of divorce on the children and on the society. Most of the marriages can be worked out if the peoples' expectations are realistic, if people are patient, kind, tolerant sacrificing. If we only think about ourselves and only think about how to make us happy then nobody will be happy.

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